


Beholder

by Fireplum



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireplum/pseuds/Fireplum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Outtake from "Silent Betrayal", taking place between Chapter 2 and Chapter 3. Kili has trouble dealing with his brother's secrecy, until he gets a secret of his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beholder

“It’s unnatural, Fili, that’s all there is to it.”

They had left the mountain road after noon on the second day and reached the valley floor as the sun hovered over the crest. Now the ponies were walking at a leisurely pace in the lush grass and they could finally unwind a little. After all, Kili thought, it wasn’t every day they had a chance to go out on the road alone. In fact, this was the first time they had been allowed to travel without supervision. _A disaster waiting to happen_ , Dwalin had called it, but Kili could tell that he was proud of them.

“I’ve told you a thousand times,” Fili said, “there’s nothing unnatural about it. You’re not even eighty yet, you’ve got plenty of time to grow a beard.”

“Be honest now, have you seen a dwarf my age with so little beard? It’s not even a beard yet, it’s _stubble_.”

“At least that means you do have hair. It’s just taking little time to come out, that’s all.”

“And what if it never does? What if I stay like this forever?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Out of all our kind, there’s no reason why you should be the only exception.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Kili grumbled. “You’ve never had trouble with _your_ beard.”

Indeed, not only had Fili’s beard grown early, it had also grown full and even, along with his thick, curly hair. According to their mother, Fili was the spitting image of their father, Flain, who had died before Kili’s birth. Meanwhile, Kili was stuck with a bare chin and dark stringy hair unfit even for braiding, as if the father he had never know had also failed to give him any part of himself.

“Why do you even care so much?” Fili asked. “You never seemed to worry about your appearance when we were younger. Whenever Mother tried to braid your hair, you refused to sit still long enough for her to finish.”

“I know, I know,” Kili admitted, “but see, I heard others talking and they say that… well, the fuller your beard, the better your chances at finding a wife.”

Fili burst out laughing. “That’s nonsense! Love has nothing to do with the size of your beard!”

“Look at Gloin! Out of all our family, he has the largest beard _and_ the loveliest wife. Do you think that’s a coincidence?”

“You’re mad, brother.”

“And there’s something else too I haven’t told you about,” Kili added after a moment’s pause. “The other day, I passed by Mal and her brothers near the entryway. Palin and Prin were looking the other way, so I gave her a little wave to greet her but… she just laughed.”

“Maybe she was flattered.”

“No, she _laughed_ at me, Fili. It’s because of my appearance, I’m sure of it.”

Fili looked at him in earnest. “If she really did laugh at you, the only thing you can be sure of is that she’s not worthy of you.”

When the sun sank behind the mountain and the valley filled with shade, they stopped to set up camp near a little stream. While Fili tended to the ponies, Kili went to gather some firewood, pondering over his brother’s words. How could he say that Mal was unworthy of him? She was by far the most ravishing dwarf maiden in all of Ered Luin, and of noble birth as well. If any woman was worthy of being courted, she was. Did Fili not see this?

Kili picked up a dead branch and leaned against the slender trunk of a pine, deep in thought. Lately, his brother seemed blind to a great many things. Kili knew that if Fili only bothered to show some interest in Mal or any other dwarf maiden, he wouldn’t meet much resistance, neither from potential rivals nor from the maiden herself. After all, not only was he the heir of Durin, he was a good fighter as well, and brave to a fault. When he’d stood up to defend the girl at the inn, Kili had been torn between dread and admiration. Standing there with his crown of blond hair, not budging an inch before the man who loomed over him, his brother had looked just like one of the heroes from the stories they read in their youth.

Only now Kili wasn’t sure this act of bravery was worth the trouble it had caused, and could still cause if Fili wasn’t careful.

“Kili, where are you?” his brother called from the camp. “Do you need any help?”

Kili realised he had strayed quite far and turned back, a large pile of dry wood and twigs propped under his arm. When he reached the camp, Fili was brushing his pony’s flanks vigorously.

Kili unloaded the firewood at the foot of a tree. “I think this will be enough.”

“We better get more if we want to properly cook the grouse you killed yesterday,” Fili said. “I’ll come with you.”

“No, stay. Get the fire started and when I return, I’ll get the grouse ready to roast.”

That evening, as they feasted on the grouse’s tasty, tender flesh, Kili decided there was no game quite so delicious as the one you hunted yourself. In no time at all, they had eaten the entire bird.

“You ought to tell Dwalin about your hunting exploits when we get back,” Fili said, sucking the fat from his fingers.

Kili grinned. “Do you think he’ll be impressed? Maybe he’ll convince Mother to let me go hunt on my own and not only with the hunting party.”

“If you want to go hunt on your own, you’re old enough to do so without Mother’s approval.”

“I don’t know… If she goes and complains to Thorin…”

“Thorin understands that we’re no longer dwarflings. We’re grown dwarves and warriors, you and I. We don’t have to tell our mother everything.”

Kili nodded, yet he feared his brother wasn’t only talking about hunting or even about their mother. He understood Fili’s need to keep secrets from Dis, but not from him. The two of them had always shared everything, never holding back from each other. Why did it have to change now?

After they had finished their meal and cleaned up, they settled around the fire again and smoked their pipes in silence. Once in awhile, Kili stole a glance at his brother. He was staring into the fire, his expression unreadable. Questions were burning the tip of Kili’s tongue but for once he kept his mouth shut. If Fili had refused to answer before, he wouldn’t answer now, and insisting would only make things worse.

Even so, Kili couldn’t help but wonder about the girl who haunted his brother’s thoughts. What made her so special? Why had she earned his favour over any other? Kili really couldn’t see anything attractive about her. She was lanky and plain, like all of her kind. True, she had a small waist and a nice smile, and he supposed any dwarf would find it pleasant to be looked at the way she looked at Fili, but it certainly didn’t explain why his brother had risked getting them into trouble at the Stone Raven, nor why he had fought with Dwalin, nor why he had been so eager to leave Arnvale for a few days.

Kili had his own suspicions. Fili had denied it, but she must have enticed him in some way. Kili remembered a story about an enchantress who had done the same to bring a mortal to his doom, and the poor man had been so bewitched by her beauty that he had died with a smile on his lips. It was just a tale for dwarflings, but Kili also recalled the feeling that had stirred inside of him when he’d read it, pleasurable and uneasy at the same time. He could only imagine how much more potent the feeling would be, coming from a real woman instead of words on musty pages. Even a loyal and courageous dwarf like Fili might succumb to it. And if he did, what should Kili do? Stand by his side against their family’s wrath, or try to dissuade him?

If only his brother accepted to confide in him, he thought with a sigh, everything would be so much simpler.

“Are you all right?” Fili asked, frowning slightly. “You look worried.”

“Just a bit tired, I guess.”

“We should probably sleep. You rest now, I’ll take the first round.”

Kili put out his pipe, then wrapped himself in his heavy fur blanket and lay down. “Don’t forget to wake me up.”

“I won’t. Good night, brother.”

Eyes half-closed, Kili let the soft flicker of the fire lull him to sleep.

 

#

 

It was still pitch black when Fili woke him. The fire had died down and the embers were glowing softly under a layer of ash. Kili shook sleep away with great difficulty and sat up.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“Not so far from dawn. Wake me when the sun rises over the crest.”

Fili curled up under his blanket next to the fire pit. Still heavy with slumber, Kili stirred the embers with a stick to release their heat and prepared himself for the long hours to come.  His bow and arrows were at hand, although he didn’t really think he would have to use them. They had set up rounds as a precaution against marauders, but this part of the mountain was free of orcs.

Kili sat in silence for a long time, smoking his pipe, his ears increasingly alert to the hushed chirr of insects, the burrowing of night critters and the gurgling of the stream. The rumour faded slowly as black turned to grey and night gave way to the quiet, empty hour before dawn. The valley filled with mist and Kili shivered.

Just as he was leaning forward to stir the embers again, a noise came from behind him. Kili froze. A moment later, he heard it again. It was a voice.

His first impulse was to wake his brother, but he stopped himself. Perhaps it was just a sheepherder. He had to see for himself before raising the alarm.

He carefully slid his casket on his shoulder and took his bow, then crept to the edge of the trees. A bit further away, amongst a patch of high ferns, stood three tall figures. Two of them were engaged in what seemed like an argument while the third looked on. Kili squinted. They seemed to be about the same height as men, but there was something distinctively different about them, with their cloaks the colour of night and their long dark hair…

Realisation hit him like a punch of the gut. _Elves_. He recoiled behind a tree, his mind racing. He had never seen elves before, but had heard more than he needed to about their kind. What could they be doing in this part of the mountain? Strictly speaking it wasn’t the dwarves’ territory, but still… Were they simply passing through, or had they been sent to spy?

He slowly turned back around to get a better look at them. The two elves who were arguing had no visible weapons, but perhaps they were hiding scabbards under their cloaks. The third one had his back turned towards Kili; he was wearing a casket filled with arrows and holding a long, slender bow in his hand.

A ball of panic swelled in Kili’s chest. One false step on his part, one sound, and that archer would strike him down immediately. For elves, a good dwarf was a dead dwarf, his uncle had always said so.

Kili slowly reached for an arrow in his own casket and lifted his bow. Maybe he should strike first. He had the advantage of surprise and if they were spies, they should be eliminated. There was no way to be sure that their intentions were indeed hostile but he knew fully well what Thorin would tell him to do, starting with the most dangerous of the three. 

He armed his bow and pointed the tip of the arrow at the archer’s back. But just then, as if he had been aware of Kili’s presence the whole time, the archer turned around and looked straight at him.

Kili found himself so astonished at the vision before him that his arms slackened and he lowered his bow without even realising it. The archer was a woman – no, not just a woman, an elf maiden with skin so pale it seemed to be basking in moonlight and eyes the colour of moss. She could see him, he was sure of it, yet she did not take an arrow in her casket. She was waiting to see what he would do first.

In the back his mind, Kili faintly recalled his initial plan and his reason struggled to pull through, but his senses were clouded by the elf maiden’s beauty. His eyes cared nothing for caution or logic; they only wanted to drink in the sight of her for as long as she would let him, and the idea of harming her suddenly appeared absurd, like crushing a rare and exquisite flower with the sole of a boot.

They observed each other without moving for a few seconds, then the elf maiden turned back to her two companions. They had finished arguing and were on their way again. The elf maiden followed them, moving nimbly through the ferns. Kili watched her until they disappeared into the trees on the other side of the valley.

Once they were gone, he sat on the ground, heart pounding. His encounter with the elf maiden had lasted no more than a minute, yet he felt something strange and terrible had occurred. Time and time again, he had been told that elves were unsightly creatures with long spindly limbs, that they were callous and cold, that they would always bear ill will to the dwarves. Now he had let three of them escape in the heart of the Blue Mountains, and the worse of it was, he couldn’t even bring himself to regret it. Deep inside, he only regretted not having been able to contemplate the elf maiden longer. What was wrong with him?

Kili closed his eyes and shook his head as if to wake from a stupor, then scrambled back to the camp. To his horror, Fili had poked his head up from under his blanket and was blinking sleepily at him.

“Where did you go?” he muttered. “Is something out there?”

Shame weighed the words down and kept them at the back of his throat, although Kili knew he should tell his brother the truth. Of all people, Fili would understand how a woman could render you helpless with nothing but a glance. Then again, flirting with a girl from town wasn’t quite the same as failing to attack a group of elves when given the chance. Men were held in mistrust but elves were the enemy. In fact, when they were younger, Fili had scolded Kili when he’d shown too much of an interest in their stories, perhaps to prevent a worse reprimand from their uncle. If he thought the story of Luthien and Beren was nothing but rubbish, how could he possibly believe Kili when he told him about the elf maiden’s captivating beauty?

“Well?” Fili insisted. “Did you see anyone?”

“No, no, it was nothing,” Kili blurted out. “I thought I heard some noise but… it was only sheep.”

Fili nodded and lay back down. Kili felt a pang of guilt at the lie, but he wouldn’t risk having his brother think he was weak or cowardly. In fact, it was best if he never spoke of this to anyone and simply forgot it ever happened. As the warm, rosy hue of dawn crept over the mountains, he felt stronger in his resolve. Soon it would be nothing more than a distant memory. He only hoped he would never come face to face with an elf maiden again, but as Fili had said, they were no longer dwarflings, and he was old enough to know now that fate was only so cruel in tales. 

 


End file.
